“I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live.” Deuteronomy 30:19
This past Monday, my husband and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. The week prior, I had an interesting conversation with my sister during which she asked how we were doing. I casually answered, “Good, why?” She seemed surprised by my question and said that our marriage was important to her. I thanked her for the sincerity in her words and told her that our marriage journey hasn’t been easy, but we are choosing to grow and remain committed to each other. Her encouraging words and truth were a bright spot in my week and really resonated with me.
A week later, part of our celebration included responding to calls and texts with well wishes, affirmations, and love for our union. It wasn’t that I was surprised that people wanted to wish us well, but I was surprised that this anniversary felt different. After 14 years of triumphs and trials, I have come to more fully realize the power of choice. Fourteen years ago, my husband and I chose each other, and every day we’ve lived as central parts of each other’s lives has been an intentional demonstration of choice. Regardless of what our paths have led us to in our lives together, each time we persevere, it’s because we decided to choose life.
In the seasons that have challenged us to grow as individuals, it’s taken us being honest, vulnerable, and considerate so we didn’t grow apart. Time has helped us learn and discern the ways in which we can give to ourselves without being selfish, and yet remain visible to the other person. The greatest lesson for me has been learning to integrate all the parts of who I am without feeling the pressure to be different dissections of myself in order to live as a wife, mother, and woman.
My efforts have created a clarity of self and pursuit of purpose that I am more intentional about now than I’ve ever been. There’s a difference between knowing and doing. This is the basis for a command. In Scripture, the Most High gives us commands. Sometimes they can seem like impossible requests that are disparate from what we know of ourselves, but when we reframe our thinking from a place of competency to capacity, we are better able to understand our power to CHOOSE. Being competent means you know that there is a choice you need to make and that there is a level of understanding you should have in weighing the options presented. Capacity means that you are equipped and empowered to make the best choice for yourself. Choosing life requires that we see ourselves as having the capacity to meet our needs and honor who we are by being honest, vulnerable, and considerate.
So, how do we choose life? Giving yourself permission starts with recognizing your own capacity and then:
C – Challenging old lines of thinking and habits– Question your established beliefs, patterns, and behaviors. Ask yourself what has served you well and what needs to change to achieve the outcomes you desire. Challenging old lines of thinking and habits can help us break free from negative thought patterns and behaviors that may contribute to anxiety, depression, or stress. Examining what you have practiced or accepted as a norm can provide clarity and insight on areas for growth, allowing you to bridge all parts of who you are during changes.
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2)
H – Hold on to hope– To hold on to hope, it’s essential to first develop self-awareness. Understanding your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors is key to finding and maintaining a mindset that supports your growth [3]. Check in with yourself and reflect on your mental state; becoming more self-aware makes it easier to identify areas needing growth and develop ways to support and nurture yourself. Hope grows when you believe that positive change is possible. Acknowledge your progress and remember how you’ve overcome challenges, which helps develop a hopeful and realistic perspective, motivating you to increase your sense of hope.
“For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently..” (Romans 8: 24-25)
O – Open your heart to forgiveness-Opening your heart to forgiveness is a crucial aspect of choosing life. Forgiveness allows you to embrace compassion, understanding, and growth [4]. Acknowledge the hurt you’ve experienced from others or yourself, be honest about your feelings, and give yourself permission to fully experience the emotions associated with the impact. Accept the reality of what has happened, understanding that you cannot change the past. By processing your feelings with honesty and compassion, you free yourself from resentment and anger. Practice self-compassion, and remember that everyone makes mistakes and deserves forgiveness, enabling you to live with an open heart and make space for the goodness you were meant to have.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
O – Own yourself– Owning yourself involves intentionally choosing life by focusing on your growth through accountability and acceptance [5]. Direct your energy and attention inward to identify areas needing change, so you can meet your needs and build a better life. Achieve this by setting realistic goals and boundaries that align with your values, changing how you see and respond to situations, and establishing daily habits that promote mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize your growth and meet your needs through self-care and self-compassion to build and bless those around you. Spend intentional time with yourself, investing in personal development by seeking out new experiences and opportunities.
“Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.” (Galatians 6: 4-5)
S – Seek wisdom and guidance- Seeking wisdom and guidance is an essential part of personal growth when working to choose life. It involves actively searching for knowledge, insights, and support from various sources, both internal and external. Cultivate a genuine desire to learn and grow by asking questions, exploring new ideas, and being open to different perspectives. Set your mind on growth and view your experiences as opportunities, opening doors to new experiences and insights. Engage with information that brings clarity and resonates with who you are, whether from books, articles, podcasts, or other resources covering personal development, mental health, and self-discovery. Continuous learning expands your understanding and offers guidance on your journey. Discuss your journey with genuine and sincere friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your experiences can provide valuable insights, encouragement, and a sense of community. Put your knowledge and insights into practice by setting actionable goals, developing new habits, and making conscious decisions that align with your values.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” (James 1:5)
E – Embrace change and growth- Choosing life requires embracing change and growth to develop a mindset that welcomes new experiences, adapts to change, and seeks continuous self-improvement. By nurturing ourselves, we become more resilient, open-minded, and better equipped to navigate life’s challenges. Our beliefs about ourselves are central to our motivation and willingness to grow. Believe in your ability to grow and improve with effort, practice, and persistence. Be willing to see the changes in yourself, appreciate the intricate parts of who you are, and the story they tell. Learn from your mistakes and recognize that change is an inevitable part of life. Instead of resisting it, learn to accept and adapt to new situations. Regularly assess your personal growth journey and celebrate your accomplishments. Acknowledge the progress you’ve made and use it as motivation to continue striving for growth.
“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.” (2 Corinthians 3:18)
May you decide today that you are worthy of choosing life for yourself. Every day let your intention be set and your heart be guided to see yourself better than the day before.
-Renada
