This last season was a challenge. There were moments where I second guessed who I was. I can clearly recount instances where I out loud had to inquire of the Lord God who He thought I was, and moments where I felt like I was missing pieces of myself. An anchoring hope I held were my own words echoed back to me, “ there is no change without challenge.” The pandemic taught me a lot about how I handle and adapt to challenge, and I had to draw from those lessons and tools to make it to the other side of these last 11 months. Before the pandemic, I had glimpses of how I best interpreted and responded to change. Over the course of my life I subscribed to the belief that change doesn’t require acknowledgement only action. I used this approach for most of my life, making small tweaks to my mode of operation and thinking, only when sheer force of will didn’t seem to work. After all, I was a doer and doers live by proof.
In 2009, after a few months after being married I was confronted with the fault in my thinking. I was a mom of one with one on the way and new wife working full-time while also taking online classes. In my mind juggling all the new was a sign of my capacity, and proved that change was easy. My reality check came quick. My then boss at the time asked for a 1 on 1 meeting, during which the conversation topic was the change in my performance metrics. As we spoke about the differences in my numbers he brought up the topic of life events. “You’ve had a lot of life events recently, you got married a few months ago and now y’all are expecting, how are you managing?” His question struck me as both odd and intriguing.
Up until that moment in my life I’d never been asked how I was managing things. As a matter of fact I’d never even thought about it; I just did things. I remember attributing my ability to juggle all the change to my faith, but beyond that nothing else. His question stayed with me for weeks after that, and I believe was the catalyst for a great deal of unlearning I did in a very short amount of time. The most important change was my willingness to accept help. During my second pregnancy my body was very clear about it’s limitations, working full time and tending to a toddler were taking a toll. Shortly into my second trimester I was placed on bed rest. Having to accept that I couldn’t do everything was a change, and it required me to relinquish a state of business that I had associated with living.
During my 5 months of bed rest I learned more about myself than I had made space and time for in years. I reflected on the how’s and influences of processes and lines of thinking I created, or accepted in order to deal with change (the ones that both had and hadn’t served me well). Reflecting over major and minor events in my life brought me to the conclusion that I needed to make some real edits. I recognized that I had to be a better example for my own children of how to acknowledge and accept change in a healthy and sustainable way. I knew in order to be the example, I had to start by fostering an environment that allowed them to see the value in change; as well as create space for them to fully experience and communicate their own process. An intention I established 13 years ago we still use as a family today, because in every season we must accept CHANGE:
- Cultivate Acceptance: Romans 15:7 – “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.”
- Harness Adaptability: Philippians 4:12-13 – “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
- Acknowledge Feelings: Psalms 55:22 – “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.”
- Nourish Resilience: James 1:12 – “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”
- Generate Positivity: Proverbs 17:22 – “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
- Embrace Growth: Ephesians 4:15 – “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”
Cultivating acceptance requires choosing to acknowledge the change(s) happening. In order to do this, there has to be a level of transparency to recognize the what, where and how of your new situation or season. What does the new situation impact? Is this a physical/ environmental change, a relational change involving others, or is it a financial/economic change? Once you answer the question of what, then you can move into the where and identifying where you need to adapt.
Harnessing adaptability means that you are able to identify where you need to focus your efforts and attention to address the change(s). Understanding where your time, energy and resources can be best utilized can help you to frame your thoughts and actions in a way that aligns what you understand to be true about yourself with what you can do. Having a system/process that helps you to weigh your options can be a valuable tool. Harnessing adaptability by identifying and focusing your efforts and attention also creates an opportunity to acknowledge your feelings.
Acknowledging your feelings is essential to processing and working through change. When we give voice to the mental and emotional spaces we are in, there’s an unburdening effect that comes from giving ourselves permission to be transparent about where we are and what we are going through. Revelation 12:11 reminds us that the word of our testimony has a tremendous value in overcoming our challenges. When we speak on and accept that our present situation requires something different or new we give make ourselves vessels to receive from the Lord God and others the encouragement we need to be empowered to endure. It is this sense, your words and expression unlock endurance that nourishes our resilience and helps us to persevere.
Nourishing resilience takes intentional effort. It means that in each moment we choose to move forward and not to quit. Change is not easy, and doesn’t come without challenge. The challenges we face in framing our perspective, relinquishing what we used to believe or hold, and even our mode of operation can take time but is necessary for the growth process that comes from change. We build resilience by pushing through. James 1:2-4 is the perfect example of this truth. When we’re challenged by the process of change in any season resilience inspires our perseverance, and that perseverance is what we draw strength from to generate positivity. Believing in the best of ourselves and the outcomes we desire and work towards.
Generating positivity facilitates reaching the ultimate goal of growth, or maturation. Choosing to believe that you come out on the other side and that where we are in the change process isn’t without purpose is essential to embracing change. Honoring the change process looks different for everyone,
Embracing change, in it’s most basic practice, requires that we see value in our moments, strengths, and ability to reap good from what we give. Having a heart of gratitude even when things get tough isn’t easy, but it is the difference between accepting and embracing change or bucking against it. When we resist change rather than embracing it, we can find ourselves void of joy and hope which can make it difficult to find value in and honor the change process.
In every season we can find the good in change if we are willing to C – Cultivate Acceptance, H – Harness Adaptability, A – Acknowledge Feelings, N – Nourish Resilience, G – Generate Positivity, E – Embrace Growth. Remember there is no change without challenge and all you have to do is give yourself a chance, you deserve it.
