“The power of life and death are in the tongue, and those who love it will eat of it’s fruit.” Proverbs 18:21
Until 3 weeks ago my understanding of this verse and it’s impact was totally different. In 2021, I briefly worked with an organization in Hawaii before we moved back to Texas. My position was one that I’d often imagined myself in. I was a program manager for a grant-based STEM program. In my short time with the organization I enjoyed my work, and was learning to embrace the challenges it came with. About a month and a half into my role I received an opportunity back home to work with one of the largest school districts in Texas designing curriculum, which was a dream because designing curriculum and learning experiences brings me joy. After a lot of prayer and talking to my husband we decided to move back to Texas.
When I told my then supervisor of my intentions and impending departure the response he gave was not at all what I expected. I was so confused by his response; the shock I was left with took me almost 2 years to process. Instead of acknowledging my time and contributions, his words were things “wouldn’t work out for me in Texas and I’d come begging for my old job back.” Not only were his statements jarring, but it seemed to be so very opposite of the man I’d come to know and share space with.
My last day on the job was not one of acknowledgment that reflected my energy or intention. It was almost as if I was invisible and had left no trace. Over the next year and a half I strived diligently in my role to “show up.” Always in the back of my mind, was a lingering feeling to prove the words he’d spoken to me wrong; as if working harder or using the resentment I’d built up as motivation would absolve me of the weight of questioning myself, and the value of my efforts and time.
My moment of clarity came in spurts. First it was realizing how tired I was, I’d spent a year plus trying to prove myself, and the side effects of doubt and hurt had begun to creep into my existence as a wife and mother. I was internalizing people’s actions as a reflection and indication of how they saw me. Next, was a very honest and transparent conversation with my husband about what happened on my last job. I hadn’t even correlated the fact that I was wearing emotional weights because I’d been silent about the hurt I’d encountered from my last position, and my silence had become an acceptance of sorts. The more I internalized that man’s words the more power they had to kill my self acceptance and self actualization. It wasn’t until unpacking the event through conversation in a safe space that I realized that I’d let someone’s words steal my power to be fruitful and content.
The empowering understanding that helped me to lighten my load and reclaim my power was to forgive. As I spent intimate time with the Living God in prayer and reflection on the feelings of weariness, I had to come to the realization that I needed to change what I was using for fuel. We are all powered by something. Our drive, motivation and intention are the result of what we believe and use to fuel our decisions and power the vision we have of ourselves. In spending time with the Lord, He made it very clear that I had to change what I was using as fuel, and needed to forgive and release myself to no longer live by the words of others, but instead by His word and what I was speaking over myself so that I was free to live in light and truth. Life and death didn’t lie in the power of my old boss’ tongue or words, but in what I believed and spoke over myself. I hold the power to fuel my fruit! As I worked through the process the Lord showed me, and made it clear where and how I needed to fuel myself:
F– Forget the former and choose not to dwell on the past, forgive and free yourself and the other person for not recognizing and choosing to operate with love, kindness, and honor. Choosing to forgive frees you to honor yourself through grace and make space for growth and goodness
U– understand that how people engage with you is a reflection of their struggles and not your value or worth. Everyone has a history and context to their story that we don’t see or know. Each of us gets to choose our own choosings, no matter how rude, reckless or dysfunctional
E-Express yourself, name the emotions and feelings about what you encountered and experienced in a safe way and safe place. The more you express the easier it is to go through the process of reconciling the events to heal and grow in truth and light. Find ways to incorporate positive self talk into your day. This can be through affirmations, prayer or even declarative statements that you use during conversations with others. The more you speak life over yourself the more you’ll see your ability to FUEL your fruit
L– Lighten your load. Release yourself from beating responsibility from other people’s choices, words and actions. Make the decision that you don’t have to shoulder or carry resentment, anger or bitterness. This can be done by writing a letter, having a calm and clear conversation with the other party (with a neutral party if necessary) or beginning a form of therapeutic support that builds and blesses you (meditation, mental health coaching, counseling, joining a support group, reading scripture, journaling, attending religious services)
What are you using to fuel your vision of yourself, motives and intentions? How can you free yourself so that the power of life lives in you, and how you see and hold the word of the Living God?
I pray this blesses and builds you so that you you have the opportunity to live in light and love as you continue to walk your path.
