“Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.” Proverbs 23:18
I couldn’t keep the tears back, it was the strangest thing. I drove in silence as the music filled the car and the words hit my heart with heft, it was like they were singing my thoughts and saying all the words in my heart.
At this very moment, I am coming out on the other side of one of the hardest seasons of my life. It started with walking away from a job in a toxic environment, grieving the loss of a place of peace and a family member, and accepting the newness of growth of my marriage and children.
Honestly, at one point moments started to drag on like they were trying to hold time hostage, and keep me captive so I couldn’t move beyond them. This has been a season of silent tears, silent prayers and constantly doing the work to reorient my focus to hold hope.
I’ve had to use all my mental health tools and dig deep. It isn’t that I don’t logically understand the evolution necessary for life, it’s more that I’ve come to place where I can both see and sense how people get stuck in their ways and become resistant to change. This is an uncomfortable space and process; it’s challenging every part of who I am and how I see life.
Crying this time felt different. It was as if my heart and my mind were in agreement that this was an acceptable offering. This was my confession, my surrender. It happened without words and when it was over, I could see. I could see with clarity that this wasn’t the end. This is just a moment, a moment I don’t have to manage for an outcome I didn’t have to arrange. I could see where I’d accepted responsibility for burdens that didn’t belong to me, and was wearing weight that had tied me down to such a stringent idea of what success was supposed to look like that I wasn’t even aware of all the goodness I was in the midst of.
In my spirit, I could feel the heaviness easing. I resolved with tears in my eyes that I couldn’t let the moment be greater than my hope. I am more than a moment and my worth is greater than where I find myself. It’s easy to be encouraged when what we want is going according to plan, but if I’m not willing to accept challenge how do I change? I’m choosing to show up for myself so that I come out on the other side of this season and come out on the other side a more intentional and truer version of myself.
As I walk out the rest of this season I hold these truths to ground and motivate me to HOPE.
H– honestly expressing myself helps other people understand and communicate with me. Naming my emotions and sharing what I need in a moment of frustration or difficulty is the best way to honor myself.
O– only share what builds and blesses. In a season of challenge it can be easy to speak from an emotional place and recognize where words wound or build barriers. Speaking with intention and not using your statements keeps me focused on doing my work and building the right environment around me.
P– place expectations on myself and nobody else. I am responsible for me and everyone else is responsible for themselves. Removing expectation from my relationships is essential for showing up with others in a way that honors them and helps me live sincerely.
E– enjoy the moments. I am exactly where I am supposed to be and there is good made for me in every moment. If I keep this as my grounding truth, I am able to see the purpose of my presence to find the light and good I’m meant to have in the moment.
The challenge in this season is real! I won’t get it right everyday, but I am choosing to not lose hope. I know that the faithfulness of the Living God is a shield for me, and gives me the grace I need to be vulnerable enough to see myself as He sees me so that I come out on the other side of this season a better me. Surely there is a future version of me that I am working on and investing in, and my hope will not be cut off by what happens in this season or any challenge to come (Proverbs 23:18).
This post inspired by: “Make Room” by Community Music, The Church Will Sing https://open.spotify.com/track/0xRFxY3REnlrdiksvNxMXc?si=t3r_mEwwSQ-lbJBbDP_OMQ
